What is it that causes some individuals to become so consumed with their painful circumstances that they just decide to check out?

I just heard of another executive tragedy in our area, and altho taking our own life may seem unfathomable to the average person, those of us who have walked through seriously grievous situations may have stood at the edge of that precipice before.

Sometimes checking out of marriage or even of life itself may look like the easier option, than dealing with the hopelessness and despair of the moment. There have been times when I thought it looked pretty tempting myself.

I also know what are the few factors in our life (my husband and I) that held us together and kept us from throwing in the towel.

Our most tragic family season was 7 years ago, and it has been a walk of faith for us to press on and find the purpose for these experiences.

Now in 2010, while offering wellness initiatives to the community, my friend, Kimberli, and I are seeing how desperately others are needing to be educated and encouraged to take care of themselves, learn how to manage stress, learn to invest in themselves and their own health. It is so important that we feed our mind, spirit and soul with the right stuff, so that when we (inevitably) will be facing an unsurmountable challenge, maybe even standing on the edge of that precipice, we will choose to hope. and choose to stay.

and press on through another season.

Everything is that…just a season.

So we are passionately sharing our hearts and our skills on the 24th of June for a night of Significance.

We are expecting great things on that Thursday night. It will be a night of closer relationships in the community, encouragement in each guest’s gifts and significance, and valuable teaching on self-care.

I hope you will checkout the information on this incredible evening, and pass along to all that you think may really enjoy it, and even need it, in their life.

Some of the things we will be teaching on:

-Longevity tips we learn from centenarians (you may be surprised at some of these)

-Office Yoga, stretching and breathing exercises we can do right there in our office!

- Stress management tips on staying balanced thru ANY season

- and of course, as our name suggests, encouragement in your own Significant value, gifts, and all you have to offer. It will be a great night for developing new and meaningful connections with others in our community.

Did I mention all the food, desserts and gift raffle??

We are looking forward to a sweet night….

Sometimes when we are home, PoppaBob gets out a rocket. He takes the boys to a park with a grand open field. He teaches them how to pack the rocket carefully, light it, and then keep their eyes upward as they watch it soar to space (or close to it). They have to follow it closely and then race to see who can catch it in the field. They look forward to it every time.

PoppaBob was always a dreamer. I remember him planning new ventures, starting new businesses, and always talking about the possible. He was cautious, but still a risk taker and I remember his outlook was always positive. When anyone asked him how things were going, his only possible response was, “great!” And even though you knew that it may not really be great, it actually seemed a little better once he walked into the room. I know that is why he was so good in sales, and in sharing his opportunities. Many people may think it is silly or fake to always be so positive, but after awhile, they all look forward to his coming. They know without a doubt there will be a smile on his face and a positive perspective that he can offer. It is still exceptional today.

Now that PoppaBob is older, his perspective on dreaming has changed. The economy is taking a turn, and his hopes and ideas are more inclined now towards risking less and seeking security.

But I think that is one of the most perplexing things about dreams. When you have them, and share them for so long, they take root in others. It is hope. PoppaBob always had the hope for us for a better life and a better future. We may not see all of our tangible dreams come to fruition, or what we thought were our dreams. But as we age we realize that we have sown seeds in the intangible and it is taking root all along in the others that we impact along the way.

 I once saw a movie called “Hope Floats” and I thought it was a sappy title. What did it mean? Then I eventually found myself in a season where I felt I was drowning in my own hopelessness, and I understood the title. Hope is the thing we cling to, the lifeline that keeps us afloat. It is the thing that carries us into the next season of life, until change occurs and we can be okay again.

That is what PoppaBob brings into a room, and into our life, every time he says it is “Great.” That is what he has sown into us that allows us to continue to dream.

I was having a hard time getting in the mood for the season. We have had a lot going on, financially committing to our Dave Ramsey program (even through Christmas!) I am painting plates, and I think the whole election changes, economy issues just were overwhelming me to be caught up in a spirit of fear. I know better! But it still was.

So All the while I am trying to learn facebook, and twitter and asking myself, why am I doing all of this? There are some great connections there and I love the community of it all, but I am feeling the prompting to just curl up with the boys and read a good book.

I even realized last week that I had totally forgotten Christmas cards this year! Usually I am orchestrating the photo, writing my letter by Thanksgiving. What would everyone doo if they did not recieve our humorous picture and accompanying motivatonal letter?

So I was postponing the tree, for some reason. I was reeally just not into all the mess. But there is security and comfort in family traditions. I know that is important. The boys begged to get it all out. We have an artificial tree, complete with lights, ever since my Dad did the tree experiment. He lit his dried out holiday tree on fire one year after the holidays (outside of course), counted until he had over 10 foot flames. it was proof that an old dried-out tree will burn into the second floor of the house within eight seconds, and we should all invest in artificial ones, or get some huge fire extinguishers. 

So now it is detached into three parts across our attic, and a project to put together, but still easier on the wallet. Not to mention the burn-factor. I do not have an expensive themed tree or color coordinated tree. I just have  a memory tree. Every ornament that comes out has a story of some kind, or a friend or relative attached. As we were opening the boxes and placing each ornament, it was like a continual wave of emotions. 

The sawdust baby given to me by the family I used to babysit as a teen.

The ornaments commemorating the boy’s births and toddler years.

The handmade ones they brought home from pre-k.

the ones we made together as we  were first married with nothing but love to pay the bills

the ones I made for each boy after losing Joshua.

The several that were given to us to commemorate Joshua’s life.

And the ones we are adding to eventually be on our boy’s trees as they go off into adulthood.

All of the Christmas’s past come alive and the sentiment is so strong.

I see how so many people have such a hard time getting through this time of year. I wondered a few weeks ago if I may have been dealing with some depression myself. Sometimes it is easier for people to just shake things up and do something totally different and off-the-wall for the holidays,  if the memories are too difficult.

But as real and as painful as some memories can be, I am still choosing to focus on the blessings. …Think on such things. The memories are all there, but the fact that this is Jesus’ tree and His birthday and His season, helps us remember that in all of these memories, He has been there, and all of our experiences are designed to glorify Him, whether good or bad, acceptable or completely incomprehensible.

My husband and I have walked through so much together, and it is still not easy to face challenges when you are two opposite personalities. But we also share so many blessings together. As much as we have lost together, we also share two more big boys together, a new business, a new future and adventures yet unknown. We still share hope.

 As you pull out your memory tree, or plastic nativity scene (so the kids cannot break it as they play with the shepherds) or your blow-up Santa or your light-up reindeer and snowman coffee mugs, or any other family tradition that you hold dear to commemorate the birth of our King, I hope that they bring you comfort and good memories.

All of these glimpses into the past are designed to help us realize how far we have come with God in our life, and the Hope everlasting that He has offered to us. When  we see no hope, there is depression, and an overwhelming spirit of grief. When we find hope – hope in Christ, hope in the future, hope in our relationships, hope in God’s unfailing love for us in spite of ourselves, that ultimately leads to joy in our heart.

My wish for you is comfort and Joy this season.

I got the paintin’ bug again! I HAD to buy this reallly tall canvas that just looked too blank and I was itching to fill it. I do not know why, but with all of this talk of the economy,  I am finding myself in the HOPE stage, and that makes me think of Lamentations 3:21 and THAT makes me think of glads. yellow, sunny gladiolas with a spray of bubbly RED coming from the center. Just when one blooms, and you think it is all you need, then comes another, then another..and each day another bloom, until the entire stem is exploding! I got it drawn out today and it is in the works!!! I feel sunny already!

I do not know how much most moms will relate to the behavior issues we have faced with my son, bear-7. Given that he is such a bright and high-functioning kid, and getting older, I have not wanted to go into a lot of details.  But I know there are families that are like us and still searching for answers, which can be costly and very consuming for the whole family. Sensory processing disorder is considered within the autistic spectrum. We are still walking through circumstances in our home that make it a real challenge to go too many public places. Crowds and circuses and fairs, theme parks, they are all too much stimulation and can easily trigger melt-downs. I am sure as the year goes on, I will post more about this and how it has affected our entire family, but for now, it is a consuming summer. I have slowed down my speaking schedule and we are trying to make day-to-day decisions that help our family have peace..and to feel like we are moving forward somewhat.

I wanted to share some today because I found a great website. I visited the site of the only DAN dr. that I know of, in the Jax area, Dr. Buckley.  From there I found some great resources, (drop down to behavior) that encouraged me and reminded me that there are other families out there like us! It is a daunting financial commitment to get into a full program, especially when a kid is so high-functioning, I mean he is excelling in so many ways and we really do not want a label, but definitely having some challenges that put him there anyway. I have tried to glean information where I could. Our pediatricians know and consult with DAN docs, and said they would recommend first the GF diet, which has shown us some improvement. I also should have never left our ABA therapy, so we are back in it for the summer. Even if I just speak to her occasionally for a consult, it encourages me that we are doing the right thing.

I am still looking for a great parents group in Jacksonville, just for some moral support. Just like the years we were walking through grief, it was so consoling to speak with other peers who had walked the walk, I have always wanted to be that for others, to shine some light and give them some hope.

I must admit there are some days that I am on the other end, and needing that support. Will post more on auditory processing and visual processing, which is where we found some great answers as well.

Thank you God for resources and answers, and your unending love and promise while we are still searching.

More info see this post.

I just got my idic-15 newsletter the other day. They are the int’l support group that was such a blessing to us all the years we had Joshua in our life. After losing him on 02, I am no longer on the list serve but do love to read the inspiring stories of the beautiful idic15 kids and their families. It can be viewed on their website .

This latest issue addressed a sensitive subject: the fears that are a reality as parents of a special needs child. In the various interviews, I was so glad to see that what carries them, and all of us, past our fears is that resounding hope, faith and prayers eternal. My friend, Jane, added a poem in the newsletter she found by Brian Andreas at his site, Storypeople.com

It was really touching and it caused me to miss my Joshua’s hilarious cackle laughter that could brighten anyone’s day. Here it is- I think it is called “More Fair”

They left me

with your shadow,

saying things like

Life is not fair

& I believed them

for a long time.

But today,

I remembered

the way you laughed

& the heat

of your hand

in mine.

& I knew that

life is more fair

than we can

ever imagine

if

we are there

to live it.

Thank you God for precious memories. and reminding me to still be in the moment.

Must go play with my boys.

Conversation with my 7 yr old son -Bear, on the way to church: We saw a train pass by, decorated with ornate grafitti & gang symbols.

son(who is an artist)- “Those are good drawings mom! Who did them?”

mom-That would probably be gangs. They are very good.

son-How do they have the money to buy spray paint?

mom-well, I think they can make money if they sell drugs.

son- Or I guess they could steal.

mom-Yes it is a shame when they sometimes make more money than the police.

son-Do army guys make alot of money?

mom-not as much as they should. They protect this country and should make more money than all of us.

son-(pause)… I still wish Incredible Hulk was real.

This is the stage of life that always just breaks my heart.  My boys are learning that sometimes life is not fair. They are losing the toddler innocence where all is good and fair and superman can save the day. We discussed how Hulk get s a little angry so maybe we need superman instead.

My 12 yrold had a huge dose of this reality when he was 6 and lost his older brother. It is still a hard thing for many adults to even swallow. Sometimes the good guys do not always seem to win in this life. Sometimes the bad guys make a whole lot more money than the good guys. Sometimes people get sick. Sometimes we love someone so hard and still cannot change their heart. Sometimes things just happen totally beyond our control or prayers.

My 7yrold and I were on the compassion int’l site looking through the chldren, trying to pick which one we might like to adopt.  It is a great lesson for them to see these other kids and the life of loss that are born into, not of their own choosing. and how truly blessed we really are.

The one thing that gives me a stable ground and the confidence to teach my children about this life, and not harbor them from this reality is that in all of it, God is still a good God. therefore have I hope..He does love us all right where we are and will hold us and comfort us through our circumstances. And if we take the time and energy and patience to slow down and listen, we can feel him there with us, in our storm. His compassions never fail..they are new every morning…

(I think the Plumb song is really affecting me…) Our cute little Hulk mask and the capes are in a costume bin in the closet.  They still come out on occasion, but the only superman I really know is God. And he is good. He is enough.

The most common question I receive from women as I speak at engagements is, “What can I do or say for my friend/loved one that is hurting and going through grief/loss/divorce? For this reason I wrote the article in resources called “Just Be There”, and designed the new HOPE cards. They each feature one of the new butterfly paintings of the series I am growing this summer, and an encouraging scripture. I left the inside blank to write a brief note, like, “We are lifting you up in prayer” which in many cases, may be all you can say. it really is not important the exact words, but that you made a heartfelt effort to reach out.

5 years ago, We were so inundated with acts of kindness. We could feel the love from our church, homeschool and family and it played an essential role in our healing. God used our friendships and extended family to speak to us when we really could no longer hear his voice on our own.

I have had good response from offering them at my speaking engagements, and have almost sold the first printing. But will be glad to print more.