I ran across a great website called www.restministries.org  for those who are living with illness or consoling someone with illness. Lisa Copen and her husband started this nonprofit. 

As I have written and spoken on grief over the past 6 years, specifically on losing a child,  I try to help others understand that ANY situation that feels like a loss, IS grief.  Many times it is not a death, but a life of challenges and ongoing loss that we cannot change. It may be having a family member with special needs or dealing with divorce, but it is all grief.

I think the subject of grief is a place most do not want to venture until there is an actual death. I know I did not. Having walked through the valley with my son, I am more cognizant of the process and others that are living with loss.  I am so glad to find sites like this that are helping others deal with illness and loss and find answers. My article, Just Be There, explored the basics of consoling a friend that is grieving through the holidays, but Lisa has expounded on this by giving some very creative, hands-on ideas for getting into their life and making a difference. Her book, “Beyond Casseroles:505 ways to encourage a chronically ill friend“, looks like a must-read for those in the ministry of encouragement. As I am joining our CARE team at church, I just ordered three copies!

Quote from book: Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief. – Marcus Tullius Cicero

Well, after much deliberation and prayer about where to place the boys this year, I am finding myself homeschooling again(for one of them)! M y 12 yr old had some incredible improvement this past year in his school program and we have found some specific courses and teaching styles that I think will work for all of us. I will be teaching art appreciation, “God in the History of Art I and II” at Homesweethomeschool, and he will be taking some classes there, as well as on Florida Virtual school. My biggest job will be helping him to stay ON-TASK, while balancing our business and being an active PTO mommy for my youngest son, still in school. We will get to do the Language Arts thru lit. program together, and I am looking forward to it. That was always my favorite, anyway. Yay!

We were beginning to see some challenges with the boys this summer in attitude and testing boundaries ,and I know in my heart that this is the right decison because I love my relationship with them. I was blessed to get to the Homeschool convention in Jacksonville last week, and it is not so much for the vendors, but just the comraderie and companionship of being around like-minded people that affirms and encourages me so much.

I have never really fit into the group of SOLD OUT homeschooler moms that have many kids and all homeschooled perfectly. We always had such exceptional situations, and when we were walking through grief it was almost impossible to accomplish all that we wanted in the home, financially or emotionally. We also found some learning challenges that really required testing and getting educated on answers. So I am thankful for our school experiences as well. I am so grateful for my husband who works so hard to provide. I know from experience that every child is soo different, and we cannot approach them all the same way. We must be so flexible to change with every year, and every child, and every situation.

But I am grateful to be homeschooling him again. My 7 yr old, absolutely LOVES structure and routine, and still has a real challenge when things get too loose and unplanned, so he will still be in his sweet, specific school program. There may be a day when we can homeschool him as well, but until then, we found a program that works for him to have a peaceful, thriving year.

We moms can be wrought with anguish over making the right decision for our kids and families. Sometimes what is best for the kids, may not even be the husband’s present wishes..more anguish. I know. Whatever your situation, financial or emotional, I am encouraging you to just give it to God. Once he helps you make the right decision for your family, for that time, you can operate in peace and know that God will make it into a good (Romans 8:28). I can look back now and see some of the things we have walked through and realize the why. 

Many times it was just to grow me and teach me that I am going to have to let go of those reins again. You know, the reins of control that we all want to hold..

It’s like the TV remote. It is soo annoying to be watching TV and someone else has the remote and they are flipping.  Let’s say the controller even has ADD. Now THAT is annoying. Ideally we should be able to compromise and agree on a show together, but sometimes, life can quickly change the channel on you, huh? Sometimes it is a show we reaally do not want to watch.  

So the only thing we can do is get up and go fill our brain with something positive, something pure, whatever is lovely, like.. the word of God, prayer, something encouraging.

If you want some encouragement in the area of homeschooling, you can go to the www.HERIJAX.com  site and look under convention 2008. You can contact the rhino technologies company and order the tapes from the breakout sessions. Many are just encouraging testimonies from Parents that have walked the walk, like Pam Tebow. I know there were talks that I missed and will order soon.

Whatever your decisions, I pray that you will have peace on you throughout the year once the decision has been made. Give it to God. Then walk in gratitude for the beautiful children you have and are comissioned to raise to the best of your abilities.

Thank you God for loaning us these beautiful children, and this awesome responsibility.

The most common question I receive from women as I speak at engagements is, “What can I do or say for my friend/loved one that is hurting and going through grief/loss/divorce? For this reason I wrote the article in resources called “Just Be There”, and designed the new HOPE cards. They each feature one of the new butterfly paintings of the series I am growing this summer, and an encouraging scripture. I left the inside blank to write a brief note, like, “We are lifting you up in prayer” which in many cases, may be all you can say. it really is not important the exact words, but that you made a heartfelt effort to reach out.

5 years ago, We were so inundated with acts of kindness. We could feel the love from our church, homeschool and family and it played an essential role in our healing. God used our friendships and extended family to speak to us when we really could no longer hear his voice on our own.

I have had good response from offering them at my speaking engagements, and have almost sold the first printing. But will be glad to print more.

I recently went to a Moms meeting, which was traditionally designed for young mothers. But they decided to open the group up to grandmothers and ladies of more experience so they could learn from them. I am currently smack in the middle of these two age groups. After all of my years with Joshua’s care and now my two wild boys, I am still loving the encouragement and fellowship, and feel I have some things to share as well.
One week we had a grandmother who spoke and shared some concerns she was having with the current generation. I had a special interest in her topic because I have a husband and two boys that have always exhibited traits considered ADD, Attention deficit disorder. My youngest has ben Dx with SPD, Sensory processing disorder. We were really seeking answers on what might help us have more peace in our home.
We know diet affects it, gluten free has dramatically improved it. We know that environment affects it, esp. video games. Even more than an hour or two of TV can make him emotional and growling the rest of the day.
I had spent all these years reading doctor’s studies on the effects of video games and the frames-per-minute on the TV shows. I studied diet and nutrition and what different things may be the causing factors for ADD and even symptoms within the autistic spectrum.
What amazed me is that this woman was not sharing from studies or surveys, but from her personal experience of coming from a slower paced generation. It was so obvious to her. She did not need a study on the multitudes of commercials we see in a lifetime, or the damaging effects of hours of violent video games or the long-term effects of electromagnetic fields from computers. She just had lived and enjoyed a better way.

I think in many cases we do not slow down enough to even reflect on these things until we find ourselves in our grand-parenting years. I noticed my dad, upon becoming a grand-parent, was very specific about his goal of slowing down his pace and enjoying his grandchildren. He was determined not to be easily angered or short tempered, which I thought was very introspective of him. I remembered him as a busy father who loved us but had too much stress on his shoulders. The kids all loved to be around PoppaBob now because he is the most fun.
I want to share some of her tips, which are beneficial in parenting, as well as finding peace and longevity on into our grand-parenting years and beyond. We all thought we knew them, as they seem so obvious, but somehow the chaos of life can drown it all out. So here is an encouraging reminder:

The acronym is S.A.F.E.
strong>S – Slow Down:
Our home should be a SAFE HAVEN from stress
The most common Stress for a child comes from hurriedness and an over-stimulated world.  Hurried children = highly stressed teenagers = emotionally troubled adults.
We set the pace and foster balance in our home. Turn off the TV, get rid of the Buzz In the background. Do not wait for the power to go out to enjoy some silence.
Our home should be a slower pace, a haven from all of the rush.

A -Kids need our ATTENTION:

in their lives, talking, playing, and listening. Not while we are on our cell phones or the computer or watching tv, but full involvement. For anyone, attention says I love you. You are important to me. If they have something to say and it is important to them – then it is important. Many times we feel as if we do not have a choice with our time, but we all have 24 hours in a day. We do choose our priorities.

 I wondered if one factor for having attention deficit kids may be because we live in an “attention-deficient” world. I know we exhaust our life on our kids, but ask yourself how often you just sit in the quiet and have eye-to-eye conversation with them. Do you ever set side a day with them to do nothing? Can you go for a few days without checking the emails or answering your cell phone? They are such a habit to us that we feel addicted. But we do set the priorities in our life.
In a blink of an eye our children will be gone. They are our gift from God that we are totally responsible for.
This time together says, “you are significant” and will dramatically foster their purpose and identity as adults.

When we had our first son, he had a genetic difference and a lifetime of challenges, so we had to learn complete flexibility. But our third son needed absolute structure, and we had to develop it quickly.
Consistency is important in discipline. We must discipline in love, but be willing to do the best thing for them regardless of whether it is comfortable at the moment. If we discipline without showing love, we breed hopelessness and despair.
Discipline with love and we are encouraging them to be responsible for their own actions. That is huge in our culture where most adults will not even take responsibility for themselves. Character does count.We are enjoying this month of no TV with the kids and it has made such a tremendous blessing in our home. It began as “grounding” them for bad behavior, but has resulted in a blessing for all of us. Dad and Bear were playing chess last night. Jacob has finished the screens and woodwork on his clubhouse.
We just may never go back.

F- Follow through:

Consistency, and a healthy routine spells SECURITY for a child. We all need margins and boundaries in life. They should always see us as consistent parents who follow through and deliver on what we promise. Our actions must match our words. They will remember far more of what we DO that what we SAY, so both must match up at all costs. They need to see that we will implement rules and boundaries, and their behavior has significant consequences, either good or bad.

E-Example:

Speaking of what we do, what example are we setting in our daily walk? How do we handle stress? How much unconditional LOVE are we showing? We realized during our grief era, that we were not seeing “honor” being shown. But as we studied our boys and how they spoke to us, we realized they were just mimicking the honor they saw us show each other. If we want honor in our home, we must practice LOVE and HONOR it in our marriage and in our parenting as well. They are verbs. Once we began to recognize honor, and make a concerted effort to demonstrate it ourselves, our boys understood more and changed their responses to us and each other.