NEW GOALS

I am not sure about my convictions for the year yet, but this I do know -  I am waiting. I am feeling the intense desire and calling to seek God and His heart and purpose for this new Year. I am still reflecting back over the past decade, and all we walked, or really flitted through-

We moved into our new home, had a new baby JoBear, lost my oldest son, Joshua, in 02, and spent the next several years trying to figure out what  was causing Jo’s meltdowns. It really was almost a decade of grief and meltdowns. Through it all God was still there and we have some really blessed moments to remember. All the while having a ministry, speaking at over 200 engagments, building a network, quitting speaking to stay closer to home, starting a wall mural business again, ending a wall mural business after one REALLY good month, and discovering Jo was allergic to gluten, videogames, loud crowds, over sensory environments, and well, “change”.

Knowledge is empowering. He is a big boy now and once again, just as I am feeling like I mastered an era, the family dynamics go and change on me again. But Praise God, it is a good thing.

So before I run off into the new year with my hair on fire, I decided to take january to seek God and His input on the matter. What a novel idea!

I am looking back int othe wake of all the things I masterfully started..not all finished. Being creative (or ADD?) means always having new ideas, new interests, getting a wild flair to paint or design a flyer, start a network of women, build connections, minister, blog- its always something. Its always good and I know God gave me these talents, but so many varying activities cannot always be His purpose. I know I need to simplify and get focused on my priorities to see blessings in specific areas this year.

So before I run off on any tangents, as good as they may be, I am just waiting. This is probably one of the least favorite things I like to do.

CONTROL

I relate it to sitting and waiting for my husband, Wildman, to finish flipping channels and stay on one long enough to evaluate its content, maybe even camp there, and set down the remote. Of course, he will never set down the remote when anyone else is in the room, and I eventually will become so frustrated with the lack of control that I have, and wander off to sort papers, or blog or create something that I know I can DO. I know this is a control-thing.

As has always been my struggle with God. Relinquishing control and waiting on Him to move in my life. I used to have  fabulous message on the very subject of relinquishing control and letting God carry us, through the fires or grief and challenges, but you know, it is a DAILY decision, and so continually living it is still the challenge.

GPS

Or another example, how I feel when I am in the passenger seat and my husband is taking alternate routes, off the beaten path (which he has done now for 21 years) and I am sitting there, knowing we are lost, knowing he will not admit it, knowing, we are not going to ask for directions and will most likely be late for the event, but having to wait until he finds his way back. That is frustrating.

Well fortunately that is a thing of the past now that we have GPS on our phones, and FORTUNATELY, God always knows exactly where He is going. So when I wait on Him, I know I cannot lose, will not get off-course and will not have to ask anyone else for directions. Seeking Him IS the map, the journey, and the destination.

So as much as I am not comfortable “waiting”, I know it is what I should be doing right now. I am “proactively” participating in the www.awake21.org fasting and prayer, that lasts 21 days in the month of January. Here is a great site for fasting options. I love the Daniel fast, as it is so close to the vegan Hallelujah acres fast that we were implementing years ago. My Dad first introduced it to us, being good friends with some of the founders in NC.

While I am in this process, I cannot say whether I will write or not. I am not committing to blogging, (altho I creatively DESIRE to set up topics for each day of the week, get more proficient with my nikon, and and hit the blog running…)

I am not.

I will, however, probably share a bit of what I am walking through, when I can. The official fasting starts next Sunday. I will be in the gym most of the month, in a daily Bible study, and focusing on home. Home will consist of helping our whole family plan appropriate meals according to whatever fasts they each feel called to implement-Helping our whole family keep a focus. Cheerfully being In the present, supporting my guys in wrestling, Basketball, premier travel Basketball, and a new emphasis on reading books consistently, charity and family bible study.

I have faith that I am not giving up my talents, business or ministry or even plans to continue the Significance event we so enjoyed last month, but will be just holding off for a few weeks to gain some CLARITY on where my energies should be.

As Pastor Kerri Weems said, years ago, “Anytime you say YES to something, it is an automatic NO to something else”.

I encourage you to think about that when you commit to your community, friends, church and self.  Yes- even church. What are you saying no to, especially concerning your number one ministry of serving family? I mean, we need to get that one right. If family is not right, all the others dim in comparison.

I hope you will join me in these reflections this month and would love to hear from you in your experiences!

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 3rd, 2010 at 2:29 pm and is filed under christianity, home Life, nutrition, personal growth, values. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.